Turning Adoption Into a Positive Experience

I have worked with thousands of women who are facing an unplanned pregnancy.  The Women who have chosen adoption have committed to putting themselves aside for 9 months in order to give their baby life.

Some say they feel selfish for choosing adoption. My answer to them is how can putting yourself aside in order to bring a baby into the world and then hand picking the life you want  for that child be selfish?  I have found the women I work with to be brave, giving and unselfish, wanting their child to have the best from life even if they know they are not the one who can give them that life. So selfish is not a word I would use to describe the choice of giving a baby up for adoption.

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Once you have made your choice let go of any guilt or feelings of being a bad person, you are giving your child the greatest gift possible “Life” and you are helping create a family for someone who cannot have a child on their own.

 Now how can you use this experience to help improve your life situation? A healthy adoption should be a win- win for everyone involved and that means for you too. Not just for the baby or for the adopting family but this should be a time where you move ahead and correct areas in your life that are not where you need them to be.

You have a choice and the choice is to place the baby and to go back to the same life you have been living or you can use the time to make changes you may be need to make to improve your life going forward.

Steps you can take to turn this pregnancy into a positive time of growth:

  • You will be provided a social worker to help you with all of the feelings and emotions you have about the pregnancy and the adoption. Use those services to help you find peace with your choice.
  • Choose an adoptive family that you truly connect with. Many times wonderful nurturing relationships unfold between adoptive parents and birth parents. This relationship can be incredibly supportive and can help you in ways you may never have anticipated.
  • Take some time to think about what you want in life going forward. If there are areas that have not been working, or mistakes you have made repeatedly , use this time to reflect on what you want to change and how you can use this difficult experience to motivate you to make the necessary changes to move on to a better life.
  • You will receive help with pregnancy related living expenses. If you are financially unstable this can help you get on your feet and help you stay stable after the birth.
  • If you are in an unhealthy relationship take the steps you need to correct the relationship or make a plan to move on.
  • Draw on the strength and support of family and friends

I hope you find the strength you need as you move through the months ahead.

Adoption the Misunderstood Choice

So you have found out you are pregnant and you are not in a position to raise a baby.  What will you do? At first you do not know what to do, but then after much thought you decide adoption is best for you and your baby. You have decided on adoption because you love your baby and you do not feel you can give him or her all that they need or all that you want for them.

You begin learning and exploring about adoption and as you do you realize that you are making a choice you can feel good about. You will be able to make someone’s dream of being a parent come true and you will be able to know you gave your baby the gift of life and the gift of a family that you have chosen. You feel it is a good and selfless choice, and you start taking steps to create an adoption plan.

Give up baby up for adoption

Once you have made the choice you may begin to tell the people close to you that you are considering giving your baby up for adoption. You tell them and hope that they will offer you support and make the decision easier. If you are lucky the people in your life will understand and support your decision. Women who find this support have a much easier time getting through the pregnancy.

Do not be surprised if the people in your life do not understand. Those who have not walked in your shoes, or dealt with the hardships you are facing may not understand. Women who choose adoption often have to deal with a lack of understanding and a lack of sensitivity. People may say things that are hurtful such as “How can you give your baby away? Or why would you ever do that? Unfortunately adoption is a very misunderstood choice. People are not educated about adoption and their lack of knowledge can cause them to say hurtful things.

If you find yourself facing insensitive people, it may simply mean that you need to educate them, explain why you feel adoption is the right choice for you and share the information you have. If you have selected a family share the family profile. Tell them why you picked the family and you can even offer to involve them in the process. Most adopting parents are willing to meet your family and friends if you want them to.  People often come around once they really understand why you made your choice and how adoption works.

If the people in your life do not come around there is plenty of help and support available. You will receive counseling from an adoption social worker. The social worker can be there to offer you emotional support throughout your pregnancy. Adoption social workers can help you sort through all of your emotions and can prepare you for some you may not even know you will have. They will provide an ear and a place where you can express all of your feelings and emotions without judgment.

Support can also come from the adoptive parents you choose. Often times and incredible bond will form between you and the adoptive parents. This is often unexpected but it can be and incredibly supportive and nurturing relationship.

The key is to know what is right for you and your baby and then draw the support you need.

Unplanned Pregnancy? Giving Your Baby Up for Adoption?

Dealing with an unplanned pregnancy is not easy.

If you are facing an unplanned pregnancy there is no easy choice. Parenting a child when you are not ready is not easy and is not always best for the child. Abortion can seem like an easy answer but it is a choice that can haunt you throughout your life. Adoption is not easy but it is a very loving and unselfish choice, a choice that gives your baby the gift of life.

Choosing adoption means you put the life and happiness of your child above your own needs.

Give Baby Up For Adoption

Facing an Unexpected Pregnancy is Emotional and Confusing

When facing an unplanned pregnancy it is normal to feel many emotions. As you decide what to do it is important to draw support from the people you trust.  Although the support of loved ones is important only you know what is best for you and for your baby.

Seek the help of neutral people who can listen and help you sort through all of your feelings.  Do not let anyone pressure you. You will need to be able to express every thought and feeling without judgment as you make this decision.

If you are not sure what to do a pregnancy counseling center can help you weigh your options. If adoption is your choice we are here to help you get all of the help you need as you go through your pregnancy.

Open Adoption or Closed Adoption- Your Call

If you decide that adoption is your choice you can create an adoption plan that focuses on your needs and desires.

Every woman is unique and not everyone wants the same type of adoption.  Some women want a very open adoption with ongoing contact throughout the years, while some prefer a closed adoption with very little involvement between them and the adopting family.

The most typical adoption is one where you select the family you want to adopt your baby. You meet them and get to know them as you await the birth of your baby.  You get pictures letters and updates through the years. This type of adoption is called semi open.

Fully open adoption means you would have ongoing face to face visits through the years. Some women want this and feel it is comforting and others feel that visits would be too difficult emotionally.

We have families that are open to whatever level of contact you want or need.

 As you start the adoption process you may not have any idea what you will want or need. You will be provided guidance from an adoption professional to help you make these decisions.

If Adoption is Your Choice Where do You Begin?

The most important part of the adoption process is finding the right adoptive family for your baby. Only you know who that is. Most women say their heart guided them to the right family and they just knew that was where their child was meant to be.

Do not be limited or let anyone push you to select a certain family. You should be able to specify all the things that are important to you and to choose from families who fit your specific criteria.

Things that may matter to you could be their age, where they live, their lifestyle. Some women get very specific and look for families who share their interests and passions and some are just drawn to a family for no specific reason.

Make sure you have options and that you find the right family. Make sure that the family you choose has completed an adoption home study. That is the only way you can be sure they have been carefully screened.

Once you have selected the family you may not know what questions to ask or what services you are entitled to.

You should have someone who can provide you legal representation at no cost to you. Counseling by a trained adoption counselor who can offer you emotional support throughout your pregnancy, should be offered to you. Any medical expenses that are not covered by your insurance should be covered by the adopting family.  Most states allow you to receive some help with your pregnancy related living expenses. Every state has different laws regarding expenses. Be sure to ask what is allowed in your state.

Adoptive Parents

You should feel great about the professionals you work with. You should feel that they are there for you and that they do not make you feel judged or pushed.